Grace in a Golf Cart

Last week, I had a battle with Bursitis in my right knee. It is a sharp pain caused when the fluid filled sacks that make the motion between your tendons and your bone fluid become inflamed. I was limping EVERYWHERE, and the more I walked, the worse it hurt. Well, the Baptist Collegiate Ministries (BCM) at school always has Free Food Friday which is a weekly free lunch for starving college students.

The problem for me was that the BCM is all the way across campus from the music building where all my classes are. I was hungry, had a class break, and wanted to see all my friends, so I went limp, limp, limping all the way across campus. I made it and had a wonderful lunch. However, about halfway back across campus, I didn't think I was going to make it. So, I quietly prayed, "God. Please get me to class!" Not a minute later, I looked up and saw 2 friends in a school golf cart. They noticed my limp, and offered me a ride to class. I do not believe it to be a coincidence, but rather an answer to prayer. It's in those little moments that God's grace abounds and shows me just how much He loves me.

In His grace,
Kristy

I'm Just a Going Over Jordan, I'm Just a Going Over Home

I am a musician--a violinist, violist, singer, worshiper-of-my-Savior. As a Christian musician, the sole purpose of the music I partake in is to glorify God. It's all because of Jesus I'm alive and I live all for Jesus.

Now, I've been many places with music. In the view of most people, music is my opportunity. The more prestigious the place, the "bigger and better" the audience, the more "fulfilling" and "accomplished" I'll be as a musician, right?

As I sat on the stage of Carnegie Hall, I found myself thinking and in a trance. I began to have flashbacks of all the places music has taken me. But, then I realized they're not places that music has taken me, but where God has taken me with music being His tool. From the Six Flags in Chicago, to the front of Independence Hall in Philadelphia, to Carnegie Hall; from the nursing homes in Tennessee, to the homeless shelter of Philadelphia, to a boy's vocational school in Belize. In all these places, both prestigious and humble, I've seen God. I've seen Him work in me and work in others. Most importantly, I've seen Him glorified.

I began to replay a memory that's been lingering in my thoughts. This semester at school, I was downtown for a big concert the school orchestra was playing. I had several hours break and it was a beautiful day, so 4 of my friends and I set out walking. I pulled out my violin and started playing Wayfaring Stranger. Suddenly, out of a hiding place, two drunken homeless men were drawn by the music. Most young girls would be scared and try to escape from speaking to them, but God kept me there. They laid down on the sidewalk and I kept playing. My friend joined me, and we did a small mini-concert in the middle of downtown for two homeless men. They could barely walk, but I'll never forget their comments: "It would cost me a fortune to go to something like this." "You just made my day." My friend and I continued playing and closed with "Amazing Grace." Of course, in their stupor on the ground, these two men began to sing along. God continues to teach me through that moment of grace.

Fast forward three months. As I sat on the stage of Carnegie Hall, I had continuous flashbacks and memories of my musical life up until that moment. Carnegie Hall is every musician's dream. It's the goal and the highest, most important concert of a musician's life. I still just sat there. Although I was amazed and awed at the golden beauty of the historical concert hall, the hall itself and my playing in it has not made me the musician I am and definitely did not make me a better musician. I was somewhat shocked that I felt no different and no more fulfilled on the stage of Carnegie Hall than I do when I perform anywhere else. I had gotten caught up in the moment and when the moment wasn't what I thought it would be, I was surprised.

Ultimately, the prestige and golden glimmer of the hall and the paying audience did not fulfill me any more than the beautiful blue city skies and the little homeless audience did. Yes, I was awed, but Carnegie Hall is not what fulfills me. It's not what I strive for. I seek Christ and desire to give Him glory, and He is the One who fulfilled me in my home city that day and finally in the concert hall that evening while playing "Were You There."

The journey to Carnegie Hall and now onward is more important than the performance itself. See, I'm on a journey to sing in the most beautiful place--one that is beyond this world-- to join in with all believers of all time to worship the one Creator and Giver of Life for all eternity because only He fulfills me in my music and only He is worthy of all the glory. I about started crying today when I read the lyrics to Wayfaring Stranger (the song that drew the homeless men) while putting this blog post from my heart into words:

"I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger
I'm traveling through this world of woe
Yet there's no sickness, toil nor danger
In that bright land to which I go
I'm going there to see my mother/father
I'm going there no more to roam
I'm only going over Jordan
I'm only going over home

I know dark clouds will gather 'round me
I know my way is rough and steep
Yet golden fields lie just before me
Where God's redeemed shall ever sleep
I'm going there to see my father/mother
S/he said he'd/she'd meet me when I come
I'm only going over Jordan
I'm only going over home

I want to wear a crown of glory
When I get home to that good land
I want to shout salvation's story
In concert with the blood-washed band
I'm going there to meet my Saviour
To sing his praise forever more
I'm just a going over Jordan
I'm just a going over home."


In His grace,
Kristy

Jumping onto the Joyful Choo Choo

Today I found myself dreaming and wishing things and going to dangerous places during my dreaming. It's Christmastime, and I have seen events that I want to go to, activities that I want to participate in, concerts I want to see, etc that really are not much fun alone. I've seen couples shopping together hand in hand, happy hokey Hallmark romance movies, and fine jewelers advertising the "perfect gift to show her you love her." Today, I passed a billboard advertising one such event and thought,"If only I had a man, my Christmas season would be more perfect." About 30 seconds later as I continued to feel sorry for myself, it hit me that my thought was a lie--a big fat, dangerous, break-me-down, ruin-my-Christmas, kind of lie. God has me single for a reason. HE wants me. HE has ways for me to serve Him NOW while I'm single that a relationship might hinder. HE is ALL I NEED to fulfill me. JESUS is the reason for the season.Why don't I just take a breath, say a prayer, and thank Him for coming to earth just so that He could bridge the gap sin had caused and be Emmanuel, God with us. I have a fantastic family, I have wonderful friends, I have a job, I get paid to go to school, and I'm blessed. I have nothing to complain about this Christmas season and everything to be thankful for. So, I'm getting off the Complain Train and jumping onto the Joyful Choo Choo. Is anybody with me?

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

-Kristy

I Surrender All

Do I?

I come to a point where I think I've surrendered everything to God, then, I realize there's something else that I'm keeping to myself. I often feel like the rich young ruler. He had followed 9 out of 10 commandments, and had surrendered his life to follow the Law, but when Jesus asked him to give up everything he owned (he was rich), he could not. Am I that way? Do I give God ALMOST all of my life?

I have been through quite a battle surrendering one area of my life lately--my family. First, God asked me to give Him my grandmother, who I call Grammie. She has Alzheimer's really bad, and as more of her mind slips, I have come to realize that she is not mine to keep, but must be given over to God. It's not easy. She's MY Grammie. I love her deeply, and I want her to always remember me, always want to give me hugs, always want to sing hymns with me, always be mine. But, she was never mine to begin with; she's God's. I'm blessed He put her in my life to be my Grammie even if only for a season. I must now surrender her into His hands. He's the God of the universe and He's very very good. I can trust Him.

Now, God is asking me to give up my sister. Since she was 10 years old, she has been called to be a missionary overseas. I grew up always knowing that I would always play music (whether professionally or not). My sister grew up always knowing she was going to be a missionary. Well, she finished with her ESL (English as a Second Language) degree last Spring, and now she's going to a big country in Asia to teach English in orphanages, learn the language, and share Christ. She's not just going for a month or two, but now she's going 6 months. She'll come home, then go for life. I have to trust that God will protect her in the land she's going to. I have to surrender her to Christ. I have to trust Him.

As I'm learning to surrender, I'm also learning to trust God more. I think the root of my lack of will to surrender is my lack of trusting God. I taught 3rd and 4th graders about trusting God last Sunday, and the concept has continued to trickle into my heart...again. Proverbs 3:5-6 says to "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." I've asked myself the question, "Do I trust God?" I do most of the time, but when I refuse to surrender something or someone, it proves I'm not perfect. The beauty in the situation is that in my struggle, God remains the same and continues to prove to me He can be trusted. He's the God of the universe. He created everything. He's a good God Who sent His Son to die in my place. I CAN trust Him. Oh, for grace to trust Him more! I find that I cry of my heart. The more I trust Him, the more I realize I NEED to trust Him. I just need Him. Do I make sense? I digress.

I'm realizing how important surrender is in my life. If I didn't have a free will to choose to surrender or not, I would not learn to trust God because surrender is trust. It's trusting that God will take care of anything and everything and ALWAYS has the best plan for me. It's trusting Him daily with my life. Once I trust Him, it becomes easier to surrender. Oh, for grace to trust Him more.

Still learning,
Kristy

Gloria from the Mass for Easter Sunday

LATIN

Gloria in excelsis Deo.
Et in terra pax hominibus bonae voluntatis.
Laudamus te. Benecicimus te.
Adoramus te. Glorificamus te.
Gratias agimus tibi propter magnam gloriam tuam.
Domine Deus, Rex caelestis.
Deus Pater omnipotens.
Domine Fili unigenite Jesu Christe.
Domine Deus, Agnus Dei, Filius Patris.
Qui tollis peccata mundi,
miserere nobis.
Qui tollis peccata mundi,
suscipe deprecationem nostram.
Qui sedes ad dexteram Patris,
miserere nobis.
Quoniam tu solus santus.
Tu solus dominus.
Tu solus Altissimus, Jesu Christe.
Cum Sancto Spiritu,
in Gloria Dei Patris. Amen.

ENGLISH

Glory to God in the highest.
And on earth peace to men of good will.
We praise thee, we bless thee,
we adore thee, we glorify thee.
We give thee thanks for they great glory.
O Lord God, King of heaven,
God the Father almighty.
O Lord, the only begotten Son, Jesus Chrsit.
O Lord God, Lamb of God, Son of the Father.
Thou who takest away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us.
Thou who takest away the sins of the world,
receive our prayer.
Thou who sittest at the right hand of the Father,
have mercy on us.
For thou only art holy,
thou only art Lord,
thou only art most high, O Jesus Christ,
with the Holy Ghost,
in the glory of God the Father. Amen.

Forever Alive

A flower has a gentle, quiet, beauty as it reaches for the sky.

But when a gentle flower is crushed, its beauty seems to die.

But as the seeds press to the ground, more beauty will arise.

For, where the former flower stood, a new one soon will thrive.

All hearts were created to reach like flowers gaily up towards God.

But all tender hearts are crushed by sin and their beauty has tragically died.

But as our hearts press towards our Maker, beauty soon shall rise.

Because when the Maker gave His life, our hearts His blood purified,

And now the heart in Him becomes sanctified, and is forever alive.
-KLR

Grace Overflowing

This week my faith has grown tremendously. I've had some faith growing pains. I'm serious--pains have grown my faith. I have several friends who are going through indescribably difficult things right now. Because of knowing them, praying for them, and hurting with them, I have grown.

A friend of mine said something last week (Thursday) about how you never know what God will teach you from knowing someone. It's true. God is teaching me so many things through other people at the moment.

Anyway, through difficult times with friends and through my questioning of things, I have been reminded that forever, everything points back to God and His faithfulness in grace, which points me back to Christ, which brings Himself glory. Here are the words that poured out tonight:

Because God is faithful, He gives me grace,
Which allows me to have faith.
Then, through my pain, my faith remains
Because of His grace overflowing.

When I'm in pain, my faith will grow.
But only because of Him, I know.
When God allows the rain to flow,
It's simply because it's time to grow.
But in His grace I'm never alone,
And through the pain, His faithfulness is shown
And my faith is grown
Because of His grace overflowing.

When I am struggling and have no peace,
I find I can rest in the shadow of His wings.
To still waters, He leadeth me.
He calms my spirit and cares for me as His sheep.
And when the storm around me rages
He shows me He's the Rock of Ages.
In my distress, He gives me relief.
Soon I find I sleep in peace
Because of His grace overflowing.

It's not by anything I have done
That to this point I have come.
Because of my sin and shame,
God was caused much pain.
But In His pain, He remained the same:
Forever faithful and filled with grace.
He sent His Son, Jesus Christ
To die in my place and give me Life
Because of His grace overflowing.

But, because of He Who died alone,
I never have to be alone.
Because He suffered pain,
He, understands my human pain
And faithfully remains.
In the end, His glory is shone, not my own
Because in me is faith, growth, peace, and Life
That comes from Christ alone
And His grace overflowing.

-KLR
(Supporting texts--the whole Bible. Specifically, Psalm 23, Psalm 4, Lamentations 3:26ish+, Romans 8.)