I Surrender All

Do I?

I come to a point where I think I've surrendered everything to God, then, I realize there's something else that I'm keeping to myself. I often feel like the rich young ruler. He had followed 9 out of 10 commandments, and had surrendered his life to follow the Law, but when Jesus asked him to give up everything he owned (he was rich), he could not. Am I that way? Do I give God ALMOST all of my life?

I have been through quite a battle surrendering one area of my life lately--my family. First, God asked me to give Him my grandmother, who I call Grammie. She has Alzheimer's really bad, and as more of her mind slips, I have come to realize that she is not mine to keep, but must be given over to God. It's not easy. She's MY Grammie. I love her deeply, and I want her to always remember me, always want to give me hugs, always want to sing hymns with me, always be mine. But, she was never mine to begin with; she's God's. I'm blessed He put her in my life to be my Grammie even if only for a season. I must now surrender her into His hands. He's the God of the universe and He's very very good. I can trust Him.

Now, God is asking me to give up my sister. Since she was 10 years old, she has been called to be a missionary overseas. I grew up always knowing that I would always play music (whether professionally or not). My sister grew up always knowing she was going to be a missionary. Well, she finished with her ESL (English as a Second Language) degree last Spring, and now she's going to a big country in Asia to teach English in orphanages, learn the language, and share Christ. She's not just going for a month or two, but now she's going 6 months. She'll come home, then go for life. I have to trust that God will protect her in the land she's going to. I have to surrender her to Christ. I have to trust Him.

As I'm learning to surrender, I'm also learning to trust God more. I think the root of my lack of will to surrender is my lack of trusting God. I taught 3rd and 4th graders about trusting God last Sunday, and the concept has continued to trickle into my heart...again. Proverbs 3:5-6 says to "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." I've asked myself the question, "Do I trust God?" I do most of the time, but when I refuse to surrender something or someone, it proves I'm not perfect. The beauty in the situation is that in my struggle, God remains the same and continues to prove to me He can be trusted. He's the God of the universe. He created everything. He's a good God Who sent His Son to die in my place. I CAN trust Him. Oh, for grace to trust Him more! I find that I cry of my heart. The more I trust Him, the more I realize I NEED to trust Him. I just need Him. Do I make sense? I digress.

I'm realizing how important surrender is in my life. If I didn't have a free will to choose to surrender or not, I would not learn to trust God because surrender is trust. It's trusting that God will take care of anything and everything and ALWAYS has the best plan for me. It's trusting Him daily with my life. Once I trust Him, it becomes easier to surrender. Oh, for grace to trust Him more.

Still learning,
Kristy