Fulfillment in Christ, my Strength

The story of Hannah is one I find myself thinking about often. I have memories of being enthralled with her story as a wee child. As I found myself back in 1 Samuel again a few months ago, I uncovered some new lessons learned from Hannah, and naturally wanted to share them...

Hannah cried out to God desperate for a son. She was troubled, so she poured out her soul to the LORD (1 Samuel 1:15). Also, after talking to God her appetite came back, and her "face was no longer downcast" (vs 18). Then, she arose and worshiped the LORD the next morning (vs 19) BEFORE she was blessed with a son. She had God. He was enough. The beauty of the story is that "the LORD remembered her"(vs 19) and blessed her with Samuel whose name means "heard by God". Yet, when God remembered her, she did not forget God. She kept her promise and gave her son Samuel back to God. Her prayer in 1 Samuel 2 reflects Hannah's fulfilled heart. Here are the first few verses:

"1 My heart rejoices in the LORD;
in the LORD my horn is lifted high.
2 My mouth boasts over my enemies,
for I delight in your deliverance.
3 There is no one holy like the LORD;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God."

Here are two of the main things I learned:

First, Hannah did not delight in Samuel. Her delight was in God. I know I'm guilty of NOT being satisfied when God doesn't give me something I've asked Him for. Then, once blessed with whatever I want, it's easy to place my satisfaction in the blessing instead of the God Who gave the gift. Hannah was the opposite of that. She was first satisfied in God, and that's where she remained. The gift of Samuel seemed only to make her love God more.

Second, Hannah allowed God to be her strength. In 1 Samuel 2:1, she says "...in the LORD my horn (representing strength of salvation*) is lifted high." Because of her life's struggles, Hannah knew that all she had came from God. By herself, she was not saved and she could not have a son. Through Samuel, a son, God, in a sense, redeemed her. Now, through God's Son and His work on the cross and resurrection from the dead, we have complete redemption. Later, Samuel would hear from God, become the last of the prophets of God then the first of the judges to lead the Israelites back to God. Would Samuel have been born had Hannah not been weak and surrendered completely to God? God could have used someone else. My point is that Hannah was weak, but God was strong for her in Her life. Hannah knew surrender to God meant she was strong, not in herself, but in God.**

In her willingness to be wholly satisfied and fully surrendered to Him, God used Hannah. She became a small part of His story through Scripture. I pray that as I live my life, I will be satisfied in Who God is and strengthened by His salvation in a way that will make an eternal impact on those around me. I pray that my fulfillment will be in Christ, my strength.

In His grace,

Kristy


*In the Old Testament, the horn was a symbol salvation and of Christ. A Beth Moore study pointed out to me that the ram's horn in the Old Testament was used to secure substitution (Genesis 22:13), to hold anointing oil (1 Samuel 16:13), and to lead people to victory (Joshua 6:13, 20). Beth Moore states it like this: "He (Christ) secured Himself as our sacrifice, anointed us with the Holy Spirit, and leads us to victory!" 

**2 Corinthians 12:9-10 is an applicable New Testament passage that Paul wrote when considering his hardships. He states: "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

Glimpses of Glory and Grace

As a follower of Christ, this world I live in is not my home. In a way, I have a sense of hiraeth for a completion in Christ I can only imagine, but has been temporarily snatched away by my sin. It will one day be restored because of Christ's death on the cross and resurrection from death. I'm on a journey, and along my journey, I see glimpses of what my future holds that give me hope because they minister to the spiritual part of me that does not belong here. They prove to me that I have a purpose for living in this world, even if I'm simply passing through. I have looked for and seen many "glimpses" in the past few weeks, and I'd like to share some of them:

 On July 11th, the day before I left for Nashville for a few weeks,  I went to see my Grammie. She was in the last stage of Alzheimer's and would often be unresponsive, but for a moment, she was aware of my presence. I was allowed to sing to her, love on her, and know she knew I was there. As I walked out of the room, I said one last time, "Grammie, I love you." I believe 100% that if it were not for the Spirit's comfort, I would not have heard or understood what happened next. My Grammie whispered under her breath, in a very low, nearly inaudible voice, "I love you, pretty girl." That, my friends, is a glimpse of grace. Little did I know that would be the last spoken words I ever heard from her this side of Heaven.

Well, I arrived in Nashville for Fine Arts Summer Academy. One of the girls in my room had been really struggling with some things and God had graciously allowed me to be there for her. One night, she came into my room and we ended up having a conversation of hope. In the moment, I had very little idea what I was saying, but what was said ended up being exactly what she and I both needed. Again, the presence of God was real in my life, and He gave me and my friend hope for the future and next chapters of our lives. The next morning I wrote:

• "Our worth is in Christ and is very special. We do not have to prove our worth to the world because we know it has already been proven by Christ on the cross. By making Him known, we joyfully acclaim our value to Him and put our hope in Him Who is the only One worthy of our praise."

On July 18th, I learned that the city in China my sister serves in flooded several feet. She had been sick and had just gotten home from being in the hospital for a few days, so I was already concerned about her. When I found out, I worried instead of trusting God. I told a couple of the moms at FASA, and immediately, they pulled me over and prayed for me and my sister. They faithfully asked me about her in the days to come. God knew the community I needed and provided it for me.

On July 25th, I walked on to the stage of the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville. For 11 days, we had been preparing for our concert there, and by God's grace, we were ready. The music, the talent, the lives being surrendered in performance, uniting to give God glory was beautiful. The next day, I wrote about it in my journal:

• "I've learned that when it comes to performing on a famous stage like The Grand Ole Opry, I have no greater sense of greatness because I played on that stage. Rather, performing for God's glory wherever I am gives me a sense of belonging, hope, and purpose that only being His can accomplish. It's a bright spot of hope in the midst of a long journey towards Home. For a little moment in time, I catch a glimpse of what Heaven may be like."

The final days of FASA were a blurry blessing. I was an emotional mess because I had learned my Grammie was in her last few days of life, but my FASA family was there for me. People listened, prayed, and were understanding of my need to escape and be by myself. Yesterday, July 28th, I had breakfast with a small group of faculty members. The laughter was precious and the fellowship was sweet. It was just what I needed for...well...now.

When I got home yesterday, I opened my Bible to Psalm 116 which was the Psalm allotted for me to read that day. It was exactly the hope I needed. Read it, and you should understand why.

Because my grandmother was about to pass, my sister really wanted to come home, but coming home from China is not an easy or inexpensive task. We prayed God would provide. He did. One of her friends from high school who works for Delta commented on her Facebook status asking for help. He got her a buddy pass from Hong Kong to Memphis. Now, all she needed was a ticket from her city to Hong Kong. Well, one of her college friends came by and dropped off a check, which made it possible to buy her ticket. God made a way to get her home. He's in every detail.

Yesterday evening, I went to see my Grammie for the last time. I was sick with a cold, but God preserved my voice. The song that had been resonating in my heart was, "Give me Jesus". I pulled out my cousin's guitar, and started singing. My precious Grammie in her pitiful, nearly dead state, shed one single tear. I know she heard me and that the Spirit was ministering to her. This morning, July 29th, 2013, my beautiful grandmother went to be with Jesus. She rose this morning, came to die, and was given Jesus.

Now, as I look back and see God so very present in my life, one hymn comes to mind that I am humming around home today (a habit I picked up from my Grammie). It's titled, "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus." Here are the lyrics:

1. O soul, are you weary and troubled?
   No light in the darkness you see?
   There’s light for a look at the Savior,
   And life more abundant and free!
   • Refrain:
     Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
     Look full in His wonderful face,
     And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
     In the light of His glory and grace.
2. Through death into life everlasting
   He passed, and we follow Him there;
   O’er us sin no more hath dominion—
   For more than conqu’rors we are!
3. His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
   Believe Him, and all will be well:
   Then go to a world that is dying,
   His perfect salvation to tell!

If you have read this and do not know Jesus, I beg of you, please look to Him. He's a great and personal God who saves. He knows our every need and never leaves us. If you have questions, please contact me. I'll be glad to answer them to the best of my ability.

In His grace,
Kristy

Beautiful Tears

Here is a post I started around November that I never "finished." It's crying to be shared (pun intended):

Tears reflect my humanity. They are a physical proof that this world is imperfect, painful, and difficult. Crying shows me that I'm human and that I'm not immune to being hurt. Crying proves my need for Christ, the great Healer.

A lot of difficult things (some unmentionable) have happened in my life lately. Whether good or bad, they're difficult and painful, yet somehow I'd emotionally blocked myself to the reality of the pain. Finally, last week, the tears came flowing. Actually, flowing is too pretty a word to describe what they were like. They were jerking, raw, sobs, that seemingly yanked out and washed away the sorrow. They were filled with questions, then with praise. Though ugly, the tears had a beauty to them. I'm going to be okay. God has me. I need Him and He's here.

Don't Judge?

Don’t Judge?

Recently, I’ve noticed a common phrase used among my generation. It’s becoming common to drop it before almost anything we say or even do and has honestly begun to bother me. The phrase is, “Don’t judge.” I don’t like it one bit.

What does the statement say about our culture? Well, it obviously shows that our culture does not have a worldview built on absolute truth. A sentence or an action prefaced with “Don’t judge” basically means that what is said has no value of being either right or wrong. It’s just an empty phrase that doesn’t mean anything. Don’t think about it. Don’t worry about it. Just believe it or forget it. Our culture has come to a place where our thoughts and actions are not judged and challenged to the point we don’t know what we believe or why we believe it. Thus, we’re ignorant about how to stand up for what we say because we never really believed what we said in the first place.

Now, as a Christian I believe in absolute Truth which is found in God’s Word and all of what it says. Already, “Don’t judge,” or at least the meaning behind it is against my worldview. Since for me absolute truth is real, everything I take in must be processed as truth or not. 1 Thessalonians 5:20-22 states: “²⁰ Do not treat prophecies^(AI) with contempt ²¹ but test them all;^(AJ) hold on to what is good,^{(AK) 22} reject every kind of evil.” EVERTHING must be tested. I must hold on only to the good and reject evil. Therefore, I have to judge everything anyone says next to the Truth I believe.

However, just because I “judge” what people SAY does NOT mean I judge THEM. It’s not my place. I cannot decide whether they’re going to heaven or hell, and I cannot save them. Only God can do that. I’m supposed to love all people as Christ would. And how could I judge people for sins that I myself am fully capable of committing? It is not my point to judge people. My point is to be careful with what I believe and to be continuously on alert for lies that I could be tricked into believing. Maybe every time I hear the phrase, “Don’t judge,” I’ll start asking, “Why not?” It might lead to some neat conversations.

Sisters Forever

God's call, yes. It's important. He wants me to go to that big country in Asia.

 My family's blessing. It's important too. I couldn't be going without their support.

But in reality?

For perhaps the first time in my life, my big sister really desperately needs me. Even if it requires me to travel 7500 miles away from home alone, I'll be there for her. She is, after all, my sister. She's my sister who needs me. Hold on, Amy, I'm coming!!!

12 days and counting...

Beautiful Change

Change? It's like a river. It's continuously flowing, yet never predictable. It's necessary for life, but not always liked. It twists and turns and transforms life, but not without pressing through the rocks, stones, and walls we built in an effort to remain the same.

I have been struggling with change lately. My sister moved to China. Another school year (my junior year of college) came to a finish. My grandparents, well, they're getting really old. People I grew up with are gradually getting married...and starting families. All the world around me is changing and I'm okay with that. Yet, here I am wrestling to remain the same. Or, am I struggling through change?

I have dreams, yet if I don't change, how ever will those dreams be fulfilled? Even deeper, if I don't allow God to work in me and change me, how then, will I allow Him to fulfill my dreams? I need to change. I know I do, but it hurts. I mean, the old way of life was working just fine, wasn't it? I certainly did like always having my sister around to live life with and my Grammie in her right mind to guide me in grace. I'd give anything to have those days back. But, is that what I really need?

The answer is, "No." I don't need my sister. I don't need my Grammie. I need God. Period. While circumstances and situations all around me change, my God remains the same. He's the only One Who does not need to change because He's the only Being that's perfect. And that's the root of the issue. I'm not perfect, thus, even when it hurts, I MUST allow Him to change me. God will only change me for the better. I just have to give up all control and trust Him. I'm so thankful He's patient.

I know I may sound skeptical about it, but deep down, I know change is good and that I need it. The lyrics of the following song done by Gungor have been on my heart lately:

BEAUTIFUL THINGS
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new

Quick Poetry as I Journey

My heart is heavy, but cannot express what it needs to say.
My mind is worrying, and cannot think straight.
My hands are tired, too tired to clasp and pray.
My feet are blistered, and have begun to stray.

But yet in my befuddled state, God's Spirit in me remains.
Even as I stumble along this messy way, His presence will always stay.
His life, He gave. My sin debt, He paid.
Day by day He leads me to grace and shows me His way of faith

My heart to be fulfilled, and trust what God says.
My mind to be thinking, but not worrying not about today.
My hands to be tired, but eager to clasp and pray.
My feet to be calloused, and following God's way.