God's call, yes. It's important. He wants me to go to that big country in Asia.
My family's blessing. It's important too. I couldn't be going without their support.
But in reality?
For perhaps the first time in my life, my big sister really desperately needs me. Even if it requires me to travel 7500 miles away from home alone, I'll be there for her. She is, after all, my sister. She's my sister who needs me. Hold on, Amy, I'm coming!!!
12 days and counting...
Monday, May 21, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Beautiful Change
Change? It's like a river. It's continuously flowing, yet never predictable. It's necessary for life, but not always liked. It twists and turns and transforms life, but not without pressing through the rocks, stones, and walls we built in an effort to remain the same.
I have been struggling with change lately. My sister moved to China. Another school year (my junior year of college) came to a finish. My grandparents, well, they're getting really old. People I grew up with are gradually getting married...and starting families. All the world around me is changing and I'm okay with that. Yet, here I am wrestling to remain the same. Or, am I struggling through change?
I have dreams, yet if I don't change, how ever will those dreams be fulfilled? Even deeper, if I don't allow God to work in me and change me, how then, will I allow Him to fulfill my dreams? I need to change. I know I do, but it hurts. I mean, the old way of life was working just fine, wasn't it? I certainly did like always having my sister around to live life with and my Grammie in her right mind to guide me in grace. I'd give anything to have those days back. But, is that what I really need?
The answer is, "No." I don't need my sister. I don't need my Grammie. I need God. Period. While circumstances and situations all around me change, my God remains the same. He's the only One Who does not need to change because He's the only Being that's perfect. And that's the root of the issue. I'm not perfect, thus, even when it hurts, I MUST allow Him to change me. God will only change me for the better. I just have to give up all control and trust Him. I'm so thankful He's patient.
I know I may sound skeptical about it, but deep down, I know change is good and that I need it. The lyrics of the following song done by Gungor have been on my heart lately:
BEAUTIFUL THINGS
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new
I have been struggling with change lately. My sister moved to China. Another school year (my junior year of college) came to a finish. My grandparents, well, they're getting really old. People I grew up with are gradually getting married...and starting families. All the world around me is changing and I'm okay with that. Yet, here I am wrestling to remain the same. Or, am I struggling through change?
I have dreams, yet if I don't change, how ever will those dreams be fulfilled? Even deeper, if I don't allow God to work in me and change me, how then, will I allow Him to fulfill my dreams? I need to change. I know I do, but it hurts. I mean, the old way of life was working just fine, wasn't it? I certainly did like always having my sister around to live life with and my Grammie in her right mind to guide me in grace. I'd give anything to have those days back. But, is that what I really need?
The answer is, "No." I don't need my sister. I don't need my Grammie. I need God. Period. While circumstances and situations all around me change, my God remains the same. He's the only One Who does not need to change because He's the only Being that's perfect. And that's the root of the issue. I'm not perfect, thus, even when it hurts, I MUST allow Him to change me. God will only change me for the better. I just have to give up all control and trust Him. I'm so thankful He's patient.
I know I may sound skeptical about it, but deep down, I know change is good and that I need it. The lyrics of the following song done by Gungor have been on my heart lately:
BEAUTIFUL THINGS
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new
Monday, March 19, 2012
Quick Poetry as I Journey
My heart is heavy, but cannot express what it needs to say.
My mind is worrying, and cannot think straight.
My hands are tired, too tired to clasp and pray.
My feet are blistered, and have begun to stray.
But yet in my befuddled state, God's Spirit in me remains.
Even as I stumble along this messy way, His presence will always stay.
His life, He gave. My sin debt, He paid.
Day by day He leads me to grace and shows me His way of faith
My heart to be fulfilled, and trust what God says.
My mind to be thinking, but not worrying not about today.
My hands to be tired, but eager to clasp and pray.
My feet to be calloused, and following God's way.
My mind is worrying, and cannot think straight.
My hands are tired, too tired to clasp and pray.
My feet are blistered, and have begun to stray.
But yet in my befuddled state, God's Spirit in me remains.
Even as I stumble along this messy way, His presence will always stay.
His life, He gave. My sin debt, He paid.
Day by day He leads me to grace and shows me His way of faith
My heart to be fulfilled, and trust what God says.
My mind to be thinking, but not worrying not about today.
My hands to be tired, but eager to clasp and pray.
My feet to be calloused, and following God's way.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Six Years Old and Changing the World
My sister is a missionary and will be leaving for her first vocational mission next week. As a missionary, my sister has to raise support. Emmie's church has been really supportive and many members of the church have given one time gifts and a lot have pledged monthly gifts. Well, a lot of young families have taken this opportunity to meet with Emmie and teach their children that even at their young age they can make an impact on lives around the world and that it is important to do that.
Last week, Emmie met a family for dinner who is giving her monthly support. They have 3 little boys--6, 4, and 2 years old. She shared her testimony at the dinner table in a way the children could understand. She shared how God has worked in her life since childhood and how she is going to tell people about Jesus in the very dark nation she's moving to. The oldest of the three boys, Micah, really understood a lot about what my sister is doing. He has gone around telling people excitedly about how he "met a real life missionary!"
Tonight, my mom came in from church with a pink construction paper and print paper card. On it was written these words in 6 yr. old handwriting:
"Dear Ms. Emmie,
I hope you have a fun time at (insert name of country). I'm glad you got to go to diner. From: (and he lists the whole family)."
His mom brought the card to church tonight telling my mom that Micah was so excitedly telling his grandmother about meeting my sister that she wrote my sister a check for $100 dollars for Micah to take to Emmie. Micah is six years old, but his enthusiasm for others to hear the Gospel and for supporting missions is contagious. He's met a missionary. He's helping support a missionary. His family is teaching him that mission work is very important. He may become a vocational missionary one day; it's known God has huge plans for the boy. In my eyes, he already is a missionary. Praise God that He uses all of His willing children for the spreading of His Gospel, even 6 year old boys.
*I changed my sister's name and left out the country she's going to for security purposes when she gets there. It's a difficult country and she could get kicked out if we're not careful.
Last week, Emmie met a family for dinner who is giving her monthly support. They have 3 little boys--6, 4, and 2 years old. She shared her testimony at the dinner table in a way the children could understand. She shared how God has worked in her life since childhood and how she is going to tell people about Jesus in the very dark nation she's moving to. The oldest of the three boys, Micah, really understood a lot about what my sister is doing. He has gone around telling people excitedly about how he "met a real life missionary!"
Tonight, my mom came in from church with a pink construction paper and print paper card. On it was written these words in 6 yr. old handwriting:
"Dear Ms. Emmie,
I hope you have a fun time at (insert name of country). I'm glad you got to go to diner. From: (and he lists the whole family)."
His mom brought the card to church tonight telling my mom that Micah was so excitedly telling his grandmother about meeting my sister that she wrote my sister a check for $100 dollars for Micah to take to Emmie. Micah is six years old, but his enthusiasm for others to hear the Gospel and for supporting missions is contagious. He's met a missionary. He's helping support a missionary. His family is teaching him that mission work is very important. He may become a vocational missionary one day; it's known God has huge plans for the boy. In my eyes, he already is a missionary. Praise God that He uses all of His willing children for the spreading of His Gospel, even 6 year old boys.
*I changed my sister's name and left out the country she's going to for security purposes when she gets there. It's a difficult country and she could get kicked out if we're not careful.
Masquerade Parade
I wrote this in 2008 when I was 17 years old. This lesson has been on my heart a lot lately since Phantom of the Opera at school, so I thought I'd post this from facebook to my blog:
How often do I spend time and effort trying to be cool like somebody else?
Why do I even want to desire to be different than how God made me?
Are other people that much more interesting than I am?
Am I trying to get human approval more than God's approval?
What would happen if I peeled back the layers and showed my real self, my real personality?
Why do I care if I'm left out of the "cool" group or not?
Why do I even care what other people think?
It seems to me that life in America is a masquerade parade. So many people are trying very hard to be someone they're not. Everyone parades through life putting on a masquerade that all is okay and that nothing is wrong. They put on a mask and only show a practiced personality; a personality that is not their own. They do that, I think, to hide all the hurt, sorrow, and failure they have in life, which more than likely is a life without God.
However, as Christians we often do the same thing. But it is a little different. Most of us have set a role in our heads of what a "perfect Christian" should be, and we all focus on acting the part. I know this because I've done it. Why do we do that? I really don't know. Perhaps it's because we have allowed our culture and world to affect our faith. We shouldn't allow that, though. Instead, we should be set apart, and be different. We need to lean on each other, love each other, and learn from each other because we are all weak, we all hurt, and we all fail. We need to forget about participating in the masquerade and focus on running the race to our eternal home together as our Creator and those who have gone before us cheer us on.
Fake Identities:
I'm in a world of fake identities--
Where much is gained
When all are the same
As a famous personality.
My world states that there is no pain
To be contained
And be acclaimed
As someone I know I'm not.
But I have some true information.
It gives the news
That I should refuse
The views that are taught in this nation.
The views of this world are all a game
That'll bring me pain
And make me refrain
From the person I truly am.
-KLR 8/30/08
How often do I spend time and effort trying to be cool like somebody else?
Why do I even want to desire to be different than how God made me?
Are other people that much more interesting than I am?
Am I trying to get human approval more than God's approval?
What would happen if I peeled back the layers and showed my real self, my real personality?
Why do I care if I'm left out of the "cool" group or not?
Why do I even care what other people think?
It seems to me that life in America is a masquerade parade. So many people are trying very hard to be someone they're not. Everyone parades through life putting on a masquerade that all is okay and that nothing is wrong. They put on a mask and only show a practiced personality; a personality that is not their own. They do that, I think, to hide all the hurt, sorrow, and failure they have in life, which more than likely is a life without God.
However, as Christians we often do the same thing. But it is a little different. Most of us have set a role in our heads of what a "perfect Christian" should be, and we all focus on acting the part. I know this because I've done it. Why do we do that? I really don't know. Perhaps it's because we have allowed our culture and world to affect our faith. We shouldn't allow that, though. Instead, we should be set apart, and be different. We need to lean on each other, love each other, and learn from each other because we are all weak, we all hurt, and we all fail. We need to forget about participating in the masquerade and focus on running the race to our eternal home together as our Creator and those who have gone before us cheer us on.
Fake Identities:
I'm in a world of fake identities--
Where much is gained
When all are the same
As a famous personality.
My world states that there is no pain
To be contained
And be acclaimed
As someone I know I'm not.
But I have some true information.
It gives the news
That I should refuse
The views that are taught in this nation.
The views of this world are all a game
That'll bring me pain
And make me refrain
From the person I truly am.
-KLR 8/30/08
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Grace in a Golf Cart
Last week, I had a battle with Bursitis in my right knee. It is a sharp pain caused when the fluid filled sacks that make the motion between your tendons and your bone fluid become inflamed. I was limping EVERYWHERE, and the more I walked, the worse it hurt. Well, the Baptist Collegiate Ministries (BCM) at school always has Free Food Friday which is a weekly free lunch for starving college students.
The problem for me was that the BCM is all the way across campus from the music building where all my classes are. I was hungry, had a class break, and wanted to see all my friends, so I went limp, limp, limping all the way across campus. I made it and had a wonderful lunch. However, about halfway back across campus, I didn't think I was going to make it. So, I quietly prayed, "God. Please get me to class!" Not a minute later, I looked up and saw 2 friends in a school golf cart. They noticed my limp, and offered me a ride to class. I do not believe it to be a coincidence, but rather an answer to prayer. It's in those little moments that God's grace abounds and shows me just how much He loves me.
In His grace,
Kristy
The problem for me was that the BCM is all the way across campus from the music building where all my classes are. I was hungry, had a class break, and wanted to see all my friends, so I went limp, limp, limping all the way across campus. I made it and had a wonderful lunch. However, about halfway back across campus, I didn't think I was going to make it. So, I quietly prayed, "God. Please get me to class!" Not a minute later, I looked up and saw 2 friends in a school golf cart. They noticed my limp, and offered me a ride to class. I do not believe it to be a coincidence, but rather an answer to prayer. It's in those little moments that God's grace abounds and shows me just how much He loves me.
In His grace,
Kristy
Monday, January 16, 2012
I'm Just a Going Over Jordan, I'm Just a Going Over Home
I am a musician--a violinist, violist, singer, worshiper-of-my-Savior. As a Christian musician, the sole purpose of the music I partake in is to glorify God. It's all because of Jesus I'm alive and I live all for Jesus.
Now, I've been many places with music. In the view of most people, music is my opportunity. The more prestigious the place, the "bigger and better" the audience, the more "fulfilling" and "accomplished" I'll be as a musician, right?
As I sat on the stage of Carnegie Hall, I found myself thinking and in a trance. I began to have flashbacks of all the places music has taken me. But, then I realized they're not places that music has taken me, but where God has taken me with music being His tool. From the Six Flags in Chicago, to the front of Independence Hall in Philadelphia, to Carnegie Hall; from the nursing homes in Tennessee, to the homeless shelter of Philadelphia, to a boy's vocational school in Belize. In all these places, both prestigious and humble, I've seen God. I've seen Him work in me and work in others. Most importantly, I've seen Him glorified.
I began to replay a memory that's been lingering in my thoughts. This semester at school, I was downtown for a big concert the school orchestra was playing. I had several hours break and it was a beautiful day, so 4 of my friends and I set out walking. I pulled out my violin and started playing Wayfaring Stranger. Suddenly, out of a hiding place, two drunken homeless men were drawn by the music. Most young girls would be scared and try to escape from speaking to them, but God kept me there. They laid down on the sidewalk and I kept playing. My friend joined me, and we did a small mini-concert in the middle of downtown for two homeless men. They could barely walk, but I'll never forget their comments: "It would cost me a fortune to go to something like this." "You just made my day." My friend and I continued playing and closed with "Amazing Grace." Of course, in their stupor on the ground, these two men began to sing along. God continues to teach me through that moment of grace.
Fast forward three months. As I sat on the stage of Carnegie Hall, I had continuous flashbacks and memories of my musical life up until that moment. Carnegie Hall is every musician's dream. It's the goal and the highest, most important concert of a musician's life. I still just sat there. Although I was amazed and awed at the golden beauty of the historical concert hall, the hall itself and my playing in it has not made me the musician I am and definitely did not make me a better musician. I was somewhat shocked that I felt no different and no more fulfilled on the stage of Carnegie Hall than I do when I perform anywhere else. I had gotten caught up in the moment and when the moment wasn't what I thought it would be, I was surprised.
Ultimately, the prestige and golden glimmer of the hall and the paying audience did not fulfill me any more than the beautiful blue city skies and the little homeless audience did. Yes, I was awed, but Carnegie Hall is not what fulfills me. It's not what I strive for. I seek Christ and desire to give Him glory, and He is the One who fulfilled me in my home city that day and finally in the concert hall that evening while playing "Were You There."
The journey to Carnegie Hall and now onward is more important than the performance itself. See, I'm on a journey to sing in the most beautiful place--one that is beyond this world-- to join in with all believers of all time to worship the one Creator and Giver of Life for all eternity because only He fulfills me in my music and only He is worthy of all the glory. I about started crying today when I read the lyrics to Wayfaring Stranger (the song that drew the homeless men) while putting this blog post from my heart into words:
"I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger
I'm traveling through this world of woe
Yet there's no sickness, toil nor danger
In that bright land to which I go
I'm going there to see my mother/father
I'm going there no more to roam
I'm only going over Jordan
I'm only going over home
I know dark clouds will gather 'round me
I know my way is rough and steep
Yet golden fields lie just before me
Where God's redeemed shall ever sleep
I'm going there to see my father/mother
S/he said he'd/she'd meet me when I come
I'm only going over Jordan
I'm only going over home
I want to wear a crown of glory
When I get home to that good land
I want to shout salvation's story
In concert with the blood-washed band
I'm going there to meet my Saviour
To sing his praise forever more
I'm just a going over Jordan
I'm just a going over home."
In His grace,
Kristy
Now, I've been many places with music. In the view of most people, music is my opportunity. The more prestigious the place, the "bigger and better" the audience, the more "fulfilling" and "accomplished" I'll be as a musician, right?
As I sat on the stage of Carnegie Hall, I found myself thinking and in a trance. I began to have flashbacks of all the places music has taken me. But, then I realized they're not places that music has taken me, but where God has taken me with music being His tool. From the Six Flags in Chicago, to the front of Independence Hall in Philadelphia, to Carnegie Hall; from the nursing homes in Tennessee, to the homeless shelter of Philadelphia, to a boy's vocational school in Belize. In all these places, both prestigious and humble, I've seen God. I've seen Him work in me and work in others. Most importantly, I've seen Him glorified.
I began to replay a memory that's been lingering in my thoughts. This semester at school, I was downtown for a big concert the school orchestra was playing. I had several hours break and it was a beautiful day, so 4 of my friends and I set out walking. I pulled out my violin and started playing Wayfaring Stranger. Suddenly, out of a hiding place, two drunken homeless men were drawn by the music. Most young girls would be scared and try to escape from speaking to them, but God kept me there. They laid down on the sidewalk and I kept playing. My friend joined me, and we did a small mini-concert in the middle of downtown for two homeless men. They could barely walk, but I'll never forget their comments: "It would cost me a fortune to go to something like this." "You just made my day." My friend and I continued playing and closed with "Amazing Grace." Of course, in their stupor on the ground, these two men began to sing along. God continues to teach me through that moment of grace.
Fast forward three months. As I sat on the stage of Carnegie Hall, I had continuous flashbacks and memories of my musical life up until that moment. Carnegie Hall is every musician's dream. It's the goal and the highest, most important concert of a musician's life. I still just sat there. Although I was amazed and awed at the golden beauty of the historical concert hall, the hall itself and my playing in it has not made me the musician I am and definitely did not make me a better musician. I was somewhat shocked that I felt no different and no more fulfilled on the stage of Carnegie Hall than I do when I perform anywhere else. I had gotten caught up in the moment and when the moment wasn't what I thought it would be, I was surprised.
Ultimately, the prestige and golden glimmer of the hall and the paying audience did not fulfill me any more than the beautiful blue city skies and the little homeless audience did. Yes, I was awed, but Carnegie Hall is not what fulfills me. It's not what I strive for. I seek Christ and desire to give Him glory, and He is the One who fulfilled me in my home city that day and finally in the concert hall that evening while playing "Were You There."
The journey to Carnegie Hall and now onward is more important than the performance itself. See, I'm on a journey to sing in the most beautiful place--one that is beyond this world-- to join in with all believers of all time to worship the one Creator and Giver of Life for all eternity because only He fulfills me in my music and only He is worthy of all the glory. I about started crying today when I read the lyrics to Wayfaring Stranger (the song that drew the homeless men) while putting this blog post from my heart into words:
"I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger
I'm traveling through this world of woe
Yet there's no sickness, toil nor danger
In that bright land to which I go
I'm going there to see my mother/father
I'm going there no more to roam
I'm only going over Jordan
I'm only going over home
I know dark clouds will gather 'round me
I know my way is rough and steep
Yet golden fields lie just before me
Where God's redeemed shall ever sleep
I'm going there to see my father/mother
S/he said he'd/she'd meet me when I come
I'm only going over Jordan
I'm only going over home
I want to wear a crown of glory
When I get home to that good land
I want to shout salvation's story
In concert with the blood-washed band
I'm going there to meet my Saviour
To sing his praise forever more
I'm just a going over Jordan
I'm just a going over home."
In His grace,
Kristy
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