It occurred to me in the past year that many churches have become segregated by stages of life. We have the children, the youth, the college, the singles, the newlyweds, the married with young kids, married with older kids, retired, and senior adults. People within each stage of life tend to clump together. They become a community within the "community" of the church, and way too often, the church is divided and defined by these groupings of people.
Well, let me tell you what I've discovered in my life. I need ALL the people. I mean, I'm a mess. I'm human, so I struggle. I struggle with singleness. I struggle with being a musician. I struggle with keeping my space orderly. I struggle with knowing what God wants me to do next. I struggle with whether to eat the Oreo or the Hershey's kiss, or neither. I struggle sometimes just to do anything. Community, though, is precious. As much as it's wonderful to have people my age around me encouraging me, I'm beginning to learn that people in different stages of life are wonderful too.
Many times, I've seen friends in the "single club" get married, and suddenly, BAM, all their single friends are no longer qualified or no longer a necessary part of the new couple's life. You know, the friends who came to the wedding? The ones who were there when they fell in love? Well, those friends can't possibly understand this whole new life and be there for them. The new couple joins a newlywed Sunday school class, and soon, the singles are left behind again.
But, let's not place all the blame on the newlyweds. How many times have I as a single thought to myself, "Well, there's another one married. I guess we won't be close friends anymore because things are so different now." I've moved on from the relationship, thus isolating myself.
The pattern continues, as some people move on to different stages in life, some move with them, some get "left behind." I wonder though, due to this tragic life stage segregation of the church, how often people in every stage are lonely and in need.
The single person desires marriage, but is lonely. The young married wife loves her husband, but still needs a girls' night. Or, maybe she needs someone to tell about her struggles who isn't struggling with the same thing.
The new mommies get lonely too. They're often at home day in and day out with their babies--caring for them, keeping the house clean. Few people notice just how hard they work each day to keep the home running. Or, if they're moms who work in the workplace, they're still struggling to do the very best for their kids, and every non-working moment they have is likely with their babies and husband serving and loving. She's struggling because she feels alone and probably needs someone to encourage her to keep on going.
The moms whose kids are starting to leave the nest. Oh, I know they're lonely. They still adore their husband and have him around, but still, they need friends.
The pattern continues. BUT, what if it didn't have to be that way?
What if the single college girl showed up at the home of the young mommies and played with her babies, ate grilled cheese with them for lunch, and then sat down with the mom while the kids napped? What could they learn from each other? Wouldn't both be encouraged?
But, let's not forget about our youth. What if the young married couples invited students over to have dinner and in turn made a ginormous impact on the students' lives? What if bored students went to visit the elderly in nursing homes? What if single adults picked up students just to hang out and show them what it means to be a young adult follower of Christ? What if the singles needed the liveliness of the students to stay motivated to follow Christ?
What if a single girl spent a day with her married friends? Couldn't she learn how to communicate in marriage simply by being around her friends?
How about the retired couples--the empty nesters? Oh, they're probably caring for their aging parents and missing their grown children, but what if a young mommy showed up with her kiddoes and made everyone smile? Couldn't the young mommy learn from the empty nester and her parents who have raised families well?
The possibilities for encouragement, the breaking down of loneliness, and the strengthening of the church are endless!
Now, I realize many churches have a desire to break down these barriers and are taking some action to do so, but many times, we people tend to be stuck in our segregated ways. After all, it is easier to get along with someone who is like us. It's not so awkward either. But, I charge you all to join me in this. Scripture says to "Encourage one another and build each other up." It doesn't only apply to those who are like us. So, I don't know about you, but my desire is to go out and build some friendships amongst all generations of church members. I think it would be fun to be able to greet all the "old people" by name while having precious children jumping into my arms for a hug at the same time. Churches are supposed to be a family. I'm going to do my best to tap into that family-like love and encouragement. Won't you join me?
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