Beautiful Tears

Here is a post I started around November that I never "finished." It's crying to be shared (pun intended):

Tears reflect my humanity. They are a physical proof that this world is imperfect, painful, and difficult. Crying shows me that I'm human and that I'm not immune to being hurt. Crying proves my need for Christ, the great Healer.

A lot of difficult things (some unmentionable) have happened in my life lately. Whether good or bad, they're difficult and painful, yet somehow I'd emotionally blocked myself to the reality of the pain. Finally, last week, the tears came flowing. Actually, flowing is too pretty a word to describe what they were like. They were jerking, raw, sobs, that seemingly yanked out and washed away the sorrow. They were filled with questions, then with praise. Though ugly, the tears had a beauty to them. I'm going to be okay. God has me. I need Him and He's here.

Don't Judge?

Don’t Judge?

Recently, I’ve noticed a common phrase used among my generation. It’s becoming common to drop it before almost anything we say or even do and has honestly begun to bother me. The phrase is, “Don’t judge.” I don’t like it one bit.

What does the statement say about our culture? Well, it obviously shows that our culture does not have a worldview built on absolute truth. A sentence or an action prefaced with “Don’t judge” basically means that what is said has no value of being either right or wrong. It’s just an empty phrase that doesn’t mean anything. Don’t think about it. Don’t worry about it. Just believe it or forget it. Our culture has come to a place where our thoughts and actions are not judged and challenged to the point we don’t know what we believe or why we believe it. Thus, we’re ignorant about how to stand up for what we say because we never really believed what we said in the first place.

Now, as a Christian I believe in absolute Truth which is found in God’s Word and all of what it says. Already, “Don’t judge,” or at least the meaning behind it is against my worldview. Since for me absolute truth is real, everything I take in must be processed as truth or not. 1 Thessalonians 5:20-22 states: “²⁰ Do not treat prophecies^(AI) with contempt ²¹ but test them all;^(AJ) hold on to what is good,^{(AK) 22} reject every kind of evil.” EVERTHING must be tested. I must hold on only to the good and reject evil. Therefore, I have to judge everything anyone says next to the Truth I believe.

However, just because I “judge” what people SAY does NOT mean I judge THEM. It’s not my place. I cannot decide whether they’re going to heaven or hell, and I cannot save them. Only God can do that. I’m supposed to love all people as Christ would. And how could I judge people for sins that I myself am fully capable of committing? It is not my point to judge people. My point is to be careful with what I believe and to be continuously on alert for lies that I could be tricked into believing. Maybe every time I hear the phrase, “Don’t judge,” I’ll start asking, “Why not?” It might lead to some neat conversations.

Sisters Forever

God's call, yes. It's important. He wants me to go to that big country in Asia.

 My family's blessing. It's important too. I couldn't be going without their support.

But in reality?

For perhaps the first time in my life, my big sister really desperately needs me. Even if it requires me to travel 7500 miles away from home alone, I'll be there for her. She is, after all, my sister. She's my sister who needs me. Hold on, Amy, I'm coming!!!

12 days and counting...

Beautiful Change

Change? It's like a river. It's continuously flowing, yet never predictable. It's necessary for life, but not always liked. It twists and turns and transforms life, but not without pressing through the rocks, stones, and walls we built in an effort to remain the same.

I have been struggling with change lately. My sister moved to China. Another school year (my junior year of college) came to a finish. My grandparents, well, they're getting really old. People I grew up with are gradually getting married...and starting families. All the world around me is changing and I'm okay with that. Yet, here I am wrestling to remain the same. Or, am I struggling through change?

I have dreams, yet if I don't change, how ever will those dreams be fulfilled? Even deeper, if I don't allow God to work in me and change me, how then, will I allow Him to fulfill my dreams? I need to change. I know I do, but it hurts. I mean, the old way of life was working just fine, wasn't it? I certainly did like always having my sister around to live life with and my Grammie in her right mind to guide me in grace. I'd give anything to have those days back. But, is that what I really need?

The answer is, "No." I don't need my sister. I don't need my Grammie. I need God. Period. While circumstances and situations all around me change, my God remains the same. He's the only One Who does not need to change because He's the only Being that's perfect. And that's the root of the issue. I'm not perfect, thus, even when it hurts, I MUST allow Him to change me. God will only change me for the better. I just have to give up all control and trust Him. I'm so thankful He's patient.

I know I may sound skeptical about it, but deep down, I know change is good and that I need it. The lyrics of the following song done by Gungor have been on my heart lately:

BEAUTIFUL THINGS
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new

Quick Poetry as I Journey

My heart is heavy, but cannot express what it needs to say.
My mind is worrying, and cannot think straight.
My hands are tired, too tired to clasp and pray.
My feet are blistered, and have begun to stray.

But yet in my befuddled state, God's Spirit in me remains.
Even as I stumble along this messy way, His presence will always stay.
His life, He gave. My sin debt, He paid.
Day by day He leads me to grace and shows me His way of faith

My heart to be fulfilled, and trust what God says.
My mind to be thinking, but not worrying not about today.
My hands to be tired, but eager to clasp and pray.
My feet to be calloused, and following God's way.

Six Years Old and Changing the World

My sister is a missionary and will be leaving for her first vocational mission next week. As a missionary, my sister has to raise support. Emmie's church has been really supportive and many members of the church have given one time gifts and a lot have pledged monthly gifts. Well, a lot of young families have taken this opportunity to meet with Emmie and teach their children that even at their young age they can make an impact on lives around the world and that it is important to do that.

Last week, Emmie met a family for dinner who is giving her monthly support. They have 3 little boys--6, 4, and 2 years old. She shared her testimony at the dinner table in a way the children could understand. She shared how God has worked in her life since childhood and how she is going to tell people about Jesus in the very dark nation she's moving to. The oldest of the three boys, Micah, really understood a lot about what my sister is doing. He has gone around telling people excitedly about how he "met a real life missionary!"

Tonight, my mom came in from church with a pink construction paper and print paper card. On it was written these words in 6 yr. old handwriting:

"Dear Ms. Emmie,

I hope you have a fun time at (insert name of country). I'm glad you got to go to diner. From: (and he lists the whole family)."

His mom brought the card to church tonight telling my mom that Micah was so excitedly telling his grandmother about meeting my sister that she wrote my sister a check for $100 dollars for Micah to take to Emmie. Micah is six years old, but his enthusiasm for others to hear the Gospel and for supporting missions is contagious. He's met a missionary. He's helping support a missionary. His family is teaching him that mission work is very important. He may become a vocational missionary one day; it's known God has huge plans for the boy. In my eyes, he already is a missionary. Praise God that He uses all of His willing children for the spreading of His Gospel, even 6 year old boys.

*I changed my sister's name and left out the country she's going to for security purposes when she gets there. It's a difficult country and she could get kicked out if we're not careful.

Masquerade Parade

I wrote this in 2008 when I was 17 years old. This lesson has been on my heart a lot lately since Phantom of the Opera at school, so I thought I'd post this from facebook to my blog:

How often do I spend time and effort trying to be cool like somebody else?

Why do I even want to desire to be different than how God made me?

Are other people that much more interesting than I am?

Am I trying to get human approval more than God's approval?

What would happen if I peeled back the layers and showed my real self, my real personality?

Why do I care if I'm left out of the "cool" group or not?

Why do I even care what other people think?

It seems to me that life in America is a masquerade parade. So many people are trying very hard to be someone they're not. Everyone parades through life putting on a masquerade that all is okay and that nothing is wrong. They put on a mask and only show a practiced personality; a personality that is not their own. They do that, I think, to hide all the hurt, sorrow, and failure they have in life, which more than likely is a life without God.

However, as Christians we often do the same thing. But it is a little different. Most of us have set a role in our heads of what a "perfect Christian" should be, and we all focus on acting the part. I know this because I've done it. Why do we do that? I really don't know. Perhaps it's because we have allowed our culture and world to affect our faith. We shouldn't allow that, though. Instead, we should be set apart, and be different. We need to lean on each other, love each other, and learn from each other because we are all weak, we all hurt, and we all fail. We need to forget about participating in the masquerade and focus on running the race to our eternal home together as our Creator and those who have gone before us cheer us on.

Fake Identities:

I'm in a world of fake identities--
Where much is gained
When all are the same
As a famous personality.
My world states that there is no pain
To be contained
And be acclaimed
As someone I know I'm not.

But I have some true information.
It gives the news
That I should refuse
The views that are taught in this nation.
The views of this world are all a game
That'll bring me pain
And make me refrain
From the person I truly am.

-KLR 8/30/08