This journey is difficult. At times it seems as if it's never-ending. The pain, the healing, the joy, the decisions, the mistakes, the pride, the crushing of pride, not wanting to mess up, the messing up, the laying down flat with nothing left, the pain, the healing, the joy...
What have I done? Why am I here? Am I supposed to be here now or there now? Was I ever supposed to be there? Should I have stayed there? Should I never have left here? When? Where? Why? How? What if? All these questions haunt me, but yet I have no definite answer.
I seek answers, but I find none. I search for direction, but continuously wake up at a crossroads. I beg, I plead, I desperately groan for this hurt to go away, but yet it remains.
Oh, God, please answer the cry of my heart! I need You. I am directionless, floundering, wandering, confused. I thought I had it all together, but I continuously find I never had it to begin with.
I must make a decision and stick with it. I must own up to my mistakes. I must be hurt in order to live. Is living worth being hurt? I believe so, but to know, I must press on and find out.
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